Trigger Warning: Maiming, food, alcohol, death, suicidal ideations, grief, and…gluten. Today I am writing a happy post. Trigger warning probably seems a bit contradictive to that, but it really is! Well…mostly. Kind of. I mean, I cried while writing this, but really! It’s happy! So, 2016 was extra rough on me and S (spouse, in … Continue reading WAFFLES-DEATH-AND THE HEALING POWER OF BRUNCH
As I currently write this, I’m going through major stress. Trying to sell a house is the worst. Kicked out of your home all the time, waiting in a car with a panicked cat, hoping someone just puts you out of your misery and buys the place so you can have your life back. It … Continue reading Self-Anointing and Smoke Detectors-The Ballad of Reginald
If you ask most women what one of their worst fears are, other than maiming and death, invariably most say it’s losing their hair. With good reason. Women’s beauty is linked to their hair. We spend ass tons of money, time, and effort on it. Perms, dying, cutting, blow-outs, extensions, all the shit. We’ve been … Continue reading Ceramic Elephants and Hair Club for Women
Do you ever feel like people hate your very guts? I think we all feel this way. Usually for no reason. Brains are cruel, cruel things, and they regularly lie to us about our looks, success, friends, and how well we think we can pull off a swimsuit. I’d say 99 out of 100 times, … Continue reading Do People Secretly Hate You? Probably.
My mom and I have an interesting relationship. She’s never been like your stereotypical mother who is nurturing, tells you she loves you-shit like that. She’s always been obsessed with genealogy, actually, and most of her days were spent on the computer, ignoring everyone for hours at a time. She would take us places and … Continue reading Rowboats and Shredded Lettuce
I am a rather boring person. I’ve never been anywhere, I’ve never done anything. Random trips to Costco with my twin get me really pumped. I don’t even have a Costco card, I just like looking at the huge stacks of food and imagining that someday I might buy them. So yeah…I don’t have a … Continue reading The Strangest Thing that’s ever Happened to Me
Have you ever felt…odd? Like you’re just a plain old weirdo? I’ve always felt different. I don’t know if there’s a black and white explanation for it, I’m just a bit out there sometimes. Even as a kid, I knew I wasn’t like the others. I’m not saying I’m hugely, noticeably eccentric or anything. I … Continue reading I Am the Monster Under the Bed
*Trigger warning, dark/semi-suicidal thoughts brought on by pain* I have never been good about drinking water. Never. To this day I still fall short. I’m doing better lately but even so….I don’t know what it is. I always feel like I’ve drowned myself if I drink too much, I just don’t handle a ton of … Continue reading Kidney Stones and Frantic Shaving
I think I’m ugly. Sound familiar? We all seem to think we’re dogs. Like, in a bad way. Kind of a stupid insult, isn’t it? After all, dogs are adorable. What is an ugly animal we should choose instead? Ah, the Marabou stork. A hideous looking creature with crepe-like old lady skin, weird neck bulges … Continue reading To All my Fellow Grotesque Creatures
Moms are supposed to be good cooks, yes? Wait. Hold up. Actually, reading that makes me suddenly wonder if that isn’t furthering gender stereotypes and glazing over male dominated expectations of femininity. Well…poop. There goes my entire post. After all, how can I rant about my mom being a horrible cook when she’s really just … Continue reading Warm Mayo and the Necessity of Ketchup
Mildly Miffed 