My mom and I have an interesting relationship. She’s never been like your stereotypical mother who is nurturing, tells you she loves you-shit like that. She’s always been obsessed with genealogy, actually, and most of her days were spent on the computer, ignoring everyone for hours at a time. She would take us places and … Continue reading Rowboats and Shredded Lettuce
I am a rather boring person. I’ve never been anywhere, I’ve never done anything. Random trips to Costco with my twin get me really pumped. I don’t even have a Costco card, I just like looking at the huge stacks of food and imagining that someday I might buy them. So yeah…I don’t have a … Continue reading The Strangest Thing that’s ever Happened to Me
Have you ever felt…odd? Like you’re just a plain old weirdo? I’ve always felt different. I don’t know if there’s a black and white explanation for it, I’m just a bit out there sometimes. Even as a kid, I knew I wasn’t like the others. I’m not saying I’m hugely, noticeably eccentric or anything. I … Continue reading I Am the Monster Under the Bed
*Trigger warning, dark/semi-suicidal thoughts brought on by pain* I have never been good about drinking water. Never. To this day I still fall short. I’m doing better lately but even so….I don’t know what it is. I always feel like I’ve drowned myself if I drink too much, I just don’t handle a ton of … Continue reading Kidney Stones and Frantic Shaving
I think I’m ugly. Sound familiar? We all seem to think we’re dogs. Like, in a bad way. Kind of a stupid insult, isn’t it? After all, dogs are adorable. What is an ugly animal we should choose instead? Ah, the Marabou stork. A hideous looking creature with crepe-like old lady skin, weird neck bulges … Continue reading To All my Fellow Grotesque Creatures
Moms are supposed to be good cooks, yes? Wait. Hold up. Actually, reading that makes me suddenly wonder if that isn’t furthering gender stereotypes and glazing over male dominated expectations of femininity. Well…poop. There goes my entire post. After all, how can I rant about my mom being a horrible cook when she’s really just … Continue reading Warm Mayo and the Necessity of Ketchup
Mildly Miffed 